I OPEN THE DOOR AND LET MYSELF IN

by May McIntyre

Who am I?
Who is that person standing
In the doorway?
I am at a loss.
Have I seen her before?
I have no idea- none at all.
 I do not recognise her.

If it is really me
I have not found her yet.
Not found myself
After caring for my son
Being there for him
Twenty four hours a day.
All day every day.
Caring for him with all the love I have
In my body to give.
Feeding his every need.
Giving my life to him
Putting mine on hold!

It's still on hold
Although he has gone.
Gone for ever. I could not stop him.
Out of my sight.
Out of my life on this Earth

Without him my life is
Empty,
fruitless,
meaningless,
worthless.
Although I try every day to
come to terms
With his death
Presently I have no idea
Who is standing at that door
I cannot identify her.

Maybe soon I will recognise
A new me. A different me.
Sadly I will never ever be
The old me
As I am now not that person
I was before.
Part of me is missing.
A gaping hole has
Been left in my heart.
Too vast to try to conceal
However hard I try.
But who am I right now?
I do not know!